The elusive perfect woman!

Right from the school days, every boy dreams of winning the best available girl's heart. He feels a great joy if he manages to get close to her even once in a day between lectures, during recess, during physical training sessions or while taking the same bus back home. His happiness knows no bounds if she invites him to her birthday party or becomes his laboratory partner.
He can't stop smiling looking at her. He is ready to protect her from any problem and feels sorry and sad if she doesn't do well. His friends teasing him about her being his girlfriend and not just his friend irks him. He really cares for her and doesn't understand why people are always after them being together. All of this comes to a sudden end the day school gets over and the boy and girl move to two different colleges.
The guy is still in a state of dilemma if he should have let the girl know about his 'special' feelings for her. Was she the best woman he was destined to meet? Or as people generally say, "Son, college years are going to be the best years in your life"? The years of limitless opportunities and possibilities. He is totally confused as years pass by and doesn't feel that special thing for anyone. He watches the other happy couples get along amazingly well, a few couples break up because of no evident reason and he gets further confused as to what he really wants in life. His friends get sick hearing his tales from his school days and brand him a 'Loser'.
Then suddenly one fine day, he comes across this wonderful person, this girl who smells wonderful, talks beautifully, walks beautifully, dreams about the same thing as he does and on top of it all, she considers him charming.
But this time he chooses to be careful. What if there are better girls in store for him? What if he loses out on this girl the same way as he lost his school buddy? What if he feels much strongly about the girl than she reciprocates? He even considers the option of just going out and play it all strings unattached. After all, that’s how it has worked for all his 'cool' and 'smart' friends. Who wants all those sentiments and attachments to creep into this setting which seems like so much fun? There is absolutely no need to take that risk. But the big question that keeps lingering on in his mind is "Till when?". What about the perfect woman he's always dreamed of? Has he lost his mind? Who is he looking to please; his friends?
His best friend tells him, "Don't worry mate. Love happens. You cannot force it at any time. One day you will find her". This is the guy who stays away from girls because his parents firmly believe its 'improper' behavior to go out with someone you don't wish to marry. A good son that he his, he believes his 'producers' can never be wrong. He has been made to believe that time will find him the perfect girl. It’s all made in heaven. His other good friend believes he's wasting his time pondering about the hearty issues. He speaks out of experience that a girl is a girl; she's perfect for you till the day she gives it to u. There is no steady perfect girl. It’s all a load of crap. He's found his fun with variety. The amazing thing about these friends is that both are extremely happy with their way of lives. So why is he confused? Is it because he has no clarity of thought? Is it because he wants to play it safe for his parents but at the same time lead a life of his own, a life full of adventures? Is he maybe trying too hard to find an answer even though it doesn't exist?
I have had my share of doubts in this regard. What I have realized is that unless you try, you will never get anywhere close to the woman you have been looking for. You have to take initiative unless lady luck is too kind and generous on you. I have also realized that you will always receive a package of shortcomings along with all the good attributes you like in that person. This is bound to happen. A human is not human without shortcomings.
When you meet this woman with minimum shortcomings according to your standards, don't let her move away. Don't chase one or two extra attributes in the next woman you find attractive. She would fall short on a few counts on your list that the previous person had. Time increases the sweetness in any relationship manifold.

Are our 'Problems' real?

First of all I wonder why somebody would even bother opening an article with the keyword 'problems'. Now that you have opened the article, before you read on, I would like you to take a minute and think of as many 'problems' you have faced and got through in the last few years.

I am sure there aren't many people who would spend this minute thinking and not come up with anything to discuss. It is like the most common attribute among all mankind. This doesn't seem to change with place and time. Our appetite for facing and sharing 'problems' is immense. Wherever we go, we discuss 'problems'. It seems we can't have enough of talking and hearing about them.

The big question is whether there is possible end to these 'problems'? Impossible. Period. The only thing that can change is a definition of a 'problem'. In my case this has worked immensely and people very often ask me how I manage to keep a constant smile on my face. I will describe my victory over my 'problems' in simple words. I can assure you that if you can make a conscious effort to beat them, you will just find that they never even 'existed'.

In the following sections, I have tried to describe a few basic problems which most of us 'unfortunate' people face. I have also tried to provide instances from my own life. Things that have changed my life. But nothing could take my smile away.


Problem 1: Death of a loved one

There is no escaping this 'problem'. This is a permanent loss and the sorrow is beyond comprehension. I lost my father a few months back and life changed all of a sudden. He expired prematurely in an accident under unknown circumstances. What followed was something in which I discovered some 'humour'. No kidding. It was humorous. The way people react to deaths. Phones kept ringing for the next two weeks and there was no dearth of people trying to 'console' my family members. Most of these were people who we had never met and they were behaving like the people who cared the most. People arrived in gaps and the same scenes of unbearable pain resurfaced. People who had smiled all day long managed to extract tears. It didn't take more than 15-20 minutes for the pain to heal. The next discussion was what was there for lunch. This lasted hours and hours and it remained the most talked about topic for the entire two weeks. Not just the people, even the 'Godman' taking care of all pujas had his own ideas. He suggested everything in the book that would please the lord (i.e. everything that could fetch him a quick buck). It was loot in broad daylight. I cried as the loss of my father haunted me but when I saw these people, I couldn't stop smiling. I really wished I could find some space and actually remember my father, a supremely kind human being.
Coming back to the point, this loss is inevitable, sooner or later. If we start to consider this as a 'problem', the world is, and would remain, full of 'problems'. The soul departs and we 'poor' survivors mourn the loss to exemplary proportions. There is a much better way to avoid this 'problem'. It is to weigh your 'problem' on a relative scale. Think of people who lose their entire families in accidents. Think of parents who lose their only child in a road accident. All of a sudden, you would start feeling relatively fortunate. I'm not sure this would work for people who have decided to keep themselves sad for the rest of their lives. The way I put it, it may sound too 'insensitive', but there is no better virtue than to find a reason to stay happy. Your strength makes people around you (only the ones who really care) happy. I realize my father would never have liked me to stay sad, so I've found a way out of my 'misery' and that is to smile through all difficult phases in my life ahead.

Problem 2: Failure

This is a major cause of worry. People lament about their over-taxing jobs, about their failure to perform to the standards set by themselves, about their cheating boyfriends/girlfriends, about no money to spend on the real thrills in life, about failing a paper, about recurring diseases, about their children not topping the class, about them not being the prettiest of the lot, about their counterparts getting frequent promotions and the list is endless. The chase for success is a never ending one. Most of us are caught up in this vicious circle. We just don't set reachable targets for ourselves. We always strive to travel that extra mile further and all that we 'unfortunate' people find is 'failure'.
Does this mean we stop trying to achieve more and more? Not at all. There's no point in living if we just feel happy with whatever we have. That’s stagnation. The end. No smart person would want stagnation. But what we should learn to accept is that in going for that extra mile, there's always a chance that you might not always succeed. The biggest and the richest people are those who have fought their losses and learned to leave them behind and make a move on. The same way as you cannot afford to over-celebrate your success, there is no reason why a loss should always linger in our minds. You can never taste the real sweetness of success unless you've tasted a failure, a real kick up your ass, of the same level. If this doesn't convince you, again do a relative scaling of your failures. There are people in the streets unfortunate enough to not find a roof to sleep under on a cold rainy night or grab a single meal in a day. These are the 'real problems' in life, not the ones we had listed earlier. You are a failure only if you imagine yourself to be one. Otherwise, you are very very fortunate. There is a simple choice to make, either you can lie back after a hard day's work and complain or you can come back with a big smile on your face just laughing all your troubles off. Learn to share your joys and avoid spreading the virus called 'failure'. No child would like to think that his parent is a failure and the other way around. Work on your failures, don't crib about what all caused that failure. You can easily find some light at the end of the tunnel with some patience and self-belief. Even if you don't succeed, atleast you can smile and feel happy about trying your best to achieve something.

Problem 3: "What would people say?"

I have come across so many people who determine most of the things they do because of what people around them like or they don't. They tend to do it knowingly or unknowingly. 'The term 'people' includes your parents, your colleagues and even people who you hardly know or have never met. We try so hard to be someone else to be recognized as 'good' people. There are so many times we don't even know who we are trying to please. I have seen people dress strangely in public places, students taking up courses because their parents thought of them as good streams, guys finding their perfect girl going by what their friends consider perfect, people switching jobs because everyone else does the same etc.
If you realize that most of these people who you are trying to impress hardly even bother to give you a second look, you have got through this problem. Don't we have a mind of our own? Are we ready to accept other people's norms to shape our destiny? Life is small and it is entirely yours. It is a good thing to learn and try to emulate your superiors but inhibiting your own talents and ideas in this process can never be justified. Try to evaluate yourself and learn to take risks in life. People willing to move ahead in life have to take calculated risks. And isn't life much more fun that way? Don't we like the idea of flying even though it might be risky and life threatening if we fall down? The happiest person is one who never hinders his thought process and learns to take life in his own stride. Don't bother what the 'smart' people around you think or say; there is no bigger satisfaction than in being yourself. If you think people are watching you, just imagine that they are waiting to watch you fall. They are the people who find it extremely difficult to praise you for the good things that you do but are ready to pounce on you as soon as you fail. It is in your own interest to avoid such 'spectators'.

These simple defense mechanisms to avoid ‘problems’ have proved very handy for me. Just give it a try and I am sure they would work for most of you. Don’t let your smile fade away. A pretty smile makes everyone’s day around you.